Green Means Go, Dummy.

(featuring 8 signs of a healthy partner)

You’re at a traffic light. You’re anxious. The all-too familiar scent of fumes inches closer to your flared nostrils & all you want is for the blasted traffic light to change. The distant sound of hooting brings out something primal in you but seconds later you’ve happily peeled off into the direction of your desire because the confirmation of a green light was all you ever needed.

https://weheartit.com/entry/336099110

Let’s face it: waiting is awful. Waiting is painful. But why is it when relationships are concerned, we’re never awaiting the green light? It’s as though we’re back at the traffic light, anticipating the flash of red so that we have no more reasons to proceed. Is it fear, that paralyzes us? Are we so fearful of the possibility of failure that we search for any reason to throw in the towel & pat ourselves on the back for successfully “dodging a bullet”?

Perhaps we should standardize green flags or green lights or whatever the hell we decide to call it.

We are in an unfortunate time where toxicity is romanticized & glorified and I could tweet all day about how embarrassing & damaging I find it but what good does that really do?

Below are 8 signs of a healthy partner. Drink it in.

1. The Feeling of Security

If instead of feeling secure, you feel triggered and on edge a lot of the time, it might be a sign that your partner is problematic. When we open up & decide to share our lives with someone, that person has to reflect the sense of safety that we seek. The feeling of security might be unfamiliar to someone who had suffered from emotional abuse in their past. They might feel that keeping their guard up & being on edge is just who they are, which is rather unfortunate, but that is not how you deserve to feel within your relationship.

2. They Treat Others Well

You can tell a lot about someone by how they treat other people, because if they treat other people badly but treat you well, know that it is only a matter of time before they show that side of themselves to you. There is no exception. Taking cognizance of other people’s experiences with your partner is extremely important.

3. Their Words Are Backed Up By Actions

If you are prone to co-dependent tendencies, you might find that you tend to listen to words more than pay attention to actions.

No one’s perfect, but if someone says that they are going to do something, there has to be a follow-through.

It is a responsibility. Healthy partners are aware of this and show up completely by following through with their actions. And in the event that they don’t, they are not afraid to hold themselves accountable for it.

4. This Person Respects Your Boundaries & Comfort Level

Regardless of how early you are in the relationship, this person won’t press you for sexual intimacy or for you to do things that you are not entirely comfortable with or ready for. They are going to respect the fact that you are an individual with your own thoughts & ways of doing things.

Healthy people in healthy relationships recognize that being in a relationship is a choice.

5. They Do Not Try To Change You

What they might try to do is lovingly suggest ways to make things better for you. They seek to enhance or help you in a way that benefits you more than it benefits them, because changing you entirely would mean they do it for themselves rather than for your betterment. Partners who try to change you do it with the mindset of “I know best and you are not succeeding because you are not performing in the way I would want you to”.

A good partner wants to encourage who you already are.

They understand that when they signed up to date you, they knew who you were and made the conscious decision to accept that. Healthy partners absolutely celebrate all of you, including the you who loves wearing hats (despite the annoying hat hair as a result) or the you who nonchalantly sports mismatched socks from time to time.

6. They Validate How You Feel

Even if they can’t understand, they still validate how you feel because they are able to recognize that you have your own experiences, thoughts & feelings.

They are aware that they do not have to completely understand in order to validate & support you.

There is no gaslighting as they are aware that your reality is always worthy of validation.

7. They Support You

They are in your corner even if they don’t see things the same way. They show up for you first & foremost because that is their job as your partner. They support your dreams, visions & aspirations and the direction you are headed in. They do not feel threatened by the fact that you are your own person and don’t feel the need to interfere either.

8. They Make You Feel Loved

We often forget to ask ourselves whether we actually feel loved by our partners because we focus too heavily on identifying the red flags. What is your experience with this person? Do they make you feel seen? Is your personhood embraced by them in the most pleasant way or do you find yourself having to question where you stand with them?

Have some compassion for the fact that maybe the framework that you are raised with or the framework you received from other romantic relationships lead you to believe that this was what you had to put up with.

I’m sorry you couldn’t see things clearly. That you had to walk in fear before realizing that you are deserving of every type of love you could ever dream of. That you only carried who other people wanted you to be into situations rather that who you are. I’m sorry that you’ve had to settle for mediocrity, because one day someone told you that it was all you would ever get & you forgot what embodying your worth looks like. Let me tell you what it looks like.

It looks like choosing you even when it’s tough. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Or something you’re not used to. It’s choosing to see the good in yourself before the bad in others, and welcoming the green light instead of fixating on the red. Embrace positivity in every way you can think of. Green means go, dummy.